May 05, 2005

it's official.

i'm gonna have a cop for a brother-in-law.

my sister got engaged last weekend to her cop boyfriend.

they've been together for about 2 years now, although he spent approximately 8 months of that time deployed with his unit of the army reserves, patrolling the israeli-egyptian border. blah blah blah. if you want to hear all about that, in excruciating detail, just ask her.

this engagement was inevitable. it was only a matter of time before my sister, who is in many ways my opposite, settled down with someone who has chosen a career that is diametrically opposed to my own.

plus, he's a republican.

but it could be worse. he could be a cop in philly on the citywide vice squad, who spends his time arresting prostitutes and, while doing so, occasionally letting the women pull his pants down and give him a hand job prior to calling in his backup team to make the arrest. yeah. i actually heard a cop testify to that in court, under oath, on the record this week. fucking sleazeball. the testimony was actually significantly more graphic than that. if you think about that for like five seconds, you realize that his testimony means that he actually just admitted to COMMITTING A CRIME HIMSELF in order to maximize his fun while locking up a poor, middle-aged, drug-addicted woman. i nearly projectile vomited on his fat, ugly, piece-of-shit face. fucking unbelieveable.

but i digress. my sister's fiance is nothing like that.

the upside is that i've had plenty of time to prepare myself for this, and sometimes i even find myself kind of thinking he might be an ok guy. i mean, he likes to play trivial pursuit, and he can appreciate a good catherine zeta-jones movie. after all, my sister is nauseatingly happy, and he does look out for her. almost like a father. just kidding. but seriously -- he's almost old enough to be her father. but that's another story altogether.

and don't even get me started on the fact that he's divorced.

but that's neither here nor there. the important thing is that she's psyched, and my parents are fucking ecstatic, which is cool. this weekend my mom is coming down to my sister's place in the suburbs, and then they're coming in to visit me in center city so that the three of us can do all kinds of crazy post-engagement bonding. pedicures first, then off to a spring festival a couple blocks from my apartment. should be good times. and even if it's not, it's an excuse to get ice cream at this really awesome place called scoop-de-ville.

we might have to help my sister drag her left hand along, though, since apparently the diamond(s) on her ring is(are) freaking enormous. not that i know anything about diamonds, and, quite frankly, i don't care to learn. but if i get into a street fight while pushing my way towards the beer tent, that 1-carat rock could probably do some serious damage.

and now, without further adieu, i have to put in some serious gamecube time -- i just got 'the sims' and to say that i'm obsessed with it would be a bit of an understatement.

Sign My Guestbook!
powered by SignMyGuestbook.com